I went for a run just now.

But i couldn't finish the run.

Not just because i felt terrible stitches from not running for so long.

But the main reason was that there was a fatigue in me that i could not shake off.

This fatigue is not in my body, but is affecting it.

This fatigue lies in my heart.

This fatigue of feeling tired of making mistakes over and over again.

This mistake of missing chances, and misunderstanding someone.

Someone by the name of Alyssa.

Today i made the biggest mistake in my entire life. I knew that my love preferred to concentrate during lessons and that is what i loved about my love. Her determination. Not being fazed by minor disturbances when she is focuses on something. The same way she has loved me. Loving me despite the nonsense i have given her for a month.

But do note, do know i love her very very very much.

Darling, i love you. i could repeat this one hundred times. But i only need to tell you thi once. Cos each time i say, i say with my entire heart.

Today i mistook her for giving me cold shoulder. I went to SP when i told her i was waiting for her. This is the one mistake that will haunt me forever. This is one mistake i will have to not repeat again. Or it will tear my heart apart.

Each tear i shed is not because i am sissy or needy. Each tear is how much pain i feel, not because of you. Each tear represents the regret i have. And each tear does not take away the regret i feel inside me.

Loving you is like a vein in which love flows like blood. The end of this relationship is like cutting off this vein.

I will love you always as you have loved me. I cannot let go of this love that i have felt from you. So genuine. So beautiful. And words are only words they cannot truely reveal how much i appreciate how much you love me.

Im very very sorry. Im very sorry love. I am the type of guy i have sworn never to be. One who misunderstands. I dont want to become the loser ass cracks i hate and i hate it when i am now.

There is now end to the amount of blame i have on myself now. This pain i feel makes me want to do stupid things to end this pain.

Then again, i said im not a loser ass crack, s i wont do stupid things. And i think im smarter than that.

Alyssa i just want to tell you i love you and i hope you will forgive me. I dont want this relationship to end.

It has been almost two hours, and this pain is killing me. If i could turn back time i would. So that we can be together again.

When we were together, minute without you was like a life time without you. it was as if my heart was a dying survivor left in the desert without water. The desperation. The need. The desire. I need you in my life.

After i met you, there is no real joy. I used to think frisbee could make me happy. After knowing you, i think i had found the real meaning of happiness. Now i know being with you is the real meaning of happiness

They say people only treasure what they have until they lose it. Yes i am feeling that now. I am finally experiencing the full meaning of so many cliches i have laughed at before meeting you.

What i cant live without you lah, i will die without you lah, my heart is torn to pieces lah.

I am feeling all that now.

Sometimes, like just now, it seems as though i wasnt making any sense at all. This is why.

I want this relationship.

But at the same time this relationship is causing strains. Strains on us. And if we carried on, we might end up hating each other due to misunderstandings.

Ah, here i am contradicting myself again. Because i would never hate you.

But if i let go of this relationship MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER DIE, LOVE. But i might die. From heart ache.

So either way, i pain you also pain. So how? Such a dilemma. Of course i sound nonsense trying to create a win win situation.

Because i only want the best for you.

I know no matter how i beg for another chance you wont give it to me love, because i keep missing it too often to the point it seems i am abusing your love. Your trust.

I just want to love you.
Another opportunity.
Having being so happy with you i cant see life without.
This is not an exaggeration this is my heart.
This is not from some cheap hollywood script.
And i dont intend it to be.

Blog so long, meaning is only so simple.

I am sorry for all the mistakes and nonsense you have to put up with.
Im sorry for all the pain that i have caused.
No more you, no more me.
I want to be with you again
This is beyond holding hands or hugs or kisses.
This is about a love i have beheld and have come to cherish it. Im sorry if i have taken it for granted.
This love is like going to heaven. Forsaking this love is like falling from heaven. The idea of leaving it is painful. Being relieved of it is worst. I will just fall to earth and die. OR maybe i will just burn in hell.
I want to go back to heaven.
I need us.

The skies may fall
And the earth may burn through and through,
But nothing will matter,
If im no longer with you.